I quit my job to save my life.
Firstly I would like to start off by saying my former position as an equipment operator was a chapter in my life that lead me to the love of my life and eventually my beautiful baby girl. It lend me to meet and become life long friends with many amazing people. It taught me the true value of money and the sacrifice shift workers make to provide for their families. It taught me the importance of the oil industry for our province and our country. But most of all it taught me about me. What I wanted out of my life and what I didn't want.
As I neared 7 years working on heavy machinery for a large oil company my life took a turn down a dark path. I was depressed, riddled with anxiety and fear, and felt as if I would wake up one day years down the road and regret my life. I had this constant feeling in my chest that I was in the wrong place, that feeling turned into daily panic attacks as I sat in my dozer with the door open trying to grab some air. No matter how much money I made, no matter how much vacation time I had, or how great of schedule, it was never enough. There was something missing in my life and I needed to find out what that was. I would research for hours and hours trying to find my way out of the job I felt trapped in. Once I started voicing how I felt I was called many things, crazy, ungrateful, naive, reckless. In all my efforts to close my ears and drown out what other people had to say about the direction of my life I couldn't. I was trapped in other peoples ideas of what success was, what life was. My family, my partner, my friends all had an opinion in what was the right thing to do.
We found out in August 2018 we were expecting and in April, 2018 I finally held my baby girl in my arms. It wasn't until I looked into my daughters eyes for the every first time that all the voices disappeared. She was my answer. For any Greys Anatomy fans out there she was my heart in a box. The key I needed to decide what was most important in life. This pure and perfect little soul was given to me to be her mother, her supporter, the person she looks up to. Everything became so clear. All I had to do was ask myself, what would I want for her? What does she deserve.
I had applied for nursing school for 3 years in a row at Keyano College. 3 years!! While I was working shift work I was upgrading all my high school courses in hopes that one day they would accept me. When Madelyn was 2 months old I got my acceptance letter in an email. At first, I thought how is this possible!? Just when I have a baby and start maternity leave I get accepted to start school in 2 months. Now I believe everything happened exactly how it was supposed too. I often wonder if I would have gotten into the program earlier would I have had a child? If I didn't have a child would I have ever quit my job? See where Im going with this..everything will happen how it is supposed to happen.
Now, into my 2nd year of nursing school I feel free. Not on top of the world with financial freedom, traveling through Europe free. I mean free of my depression. Free of the shear panic that my previous job brought me every single day. I feel alive. The funny thing is I have never worked so hard in my entire life but it is work that feeds my soul. My heart is full at the end of everyday to give to my family. I am slowly finding myself again. My dreams and my passion to help people and make a difference in peoples lives is emerging. I know longer struggle with the question "what is my purpose?". Although I have not yet found that answer, all I know is that I am on the right path to figuring it out.
Last year I decided to launch Tea Over Tales because in my heart it felt like the right time to try and help a lot of people in a unique way. I had an idea inspired by my late grandmother and I wanted to make it come to life and I knew with hard work it was possible. So here I am, after a long day taking care of a sick baby, cleaning the house, writing a reflection for school, getting doll orders filled and about to go fold laundry and all I can think about is creating something to give back to each and every one of you. In the midst of my exhaustion theres nothing I would rather do right now than share this story with my Tea Over Tales family.
I wrote this blog today not to justify my decision or preach that everyone should quit their jobs and go back to school. I wrote this to let people know if you are unhappy in your life and you feel like your drowning in your current situation it is up to YOU to change that. Somehow, someway you gotta drown out the opinions of everyone in your life and focus on your path in life. At the end of the road we all end up in the same place, now is the only time we get to explore who we are, to be different, venture outside the common path and live the life we chose.